Does great sex start at forty?

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    Updated: GMT, 5 February Never mind lithe young women in their 20s, it's those who are twice their age who are having all the fun. According to a survey by Health Plus magazine, it's women in their 40s who are having the best sex of their lives. So is it true and, if so, is it down to experience, hormones, renewed self-confidence or extra-marital foety We asked three female writers - and one lone male - for their views Life begins as A new survey says women over the age sex 40 are having the best sex of their lives, like Kim Cattrall's character Samantha Jones in Sex and the City.

    In my 40s, men beat a path to my door in droves. My female friends, sex lives on the wane, were apple green with envy. I speak from experience of the wildest, most rewarding, fortty quality when I candidly claim that my superior sex life started in middle age. The foorty attraction between us was such that we had enjoyed wild and wonderful, passionate sex three times a day for the entire marriage.

    We'd make love on awakening in the morning It was fun of the frothiest kind. We were twin souls and totally compatible sexual partners. When our marriage hit the rocks, we agreed that it had been a fantastic feast which had reached the end. I left him, I walked out, and now I was totally free to make love to whoever I liked. The sense of freedom forty unbelievably exhilarating.

    It was this unbridled freedom to have a sexual existence which kept me going through the forty agony of a wrenching forty. I was by then 48 and had fleetingly entertained the notion I aex believe why now that I might not be as alluring as I had been as a younger woman.

    These doubts were soon dispelled. I was bowled over by the avalanche of male attention and esx pursued even more hotly than I had been in my tender youth. I must, however, always recommend long and faithful relationships somewhere in a woman's life, at whatever stage.

    They provide such a fine sexual practice arena. Those years hone your bed-skills, your sensitivity to another human being's needs, mood swings and moments of exhaustion. A woman becomes a marvellous partner with increasing years. By her 40s she has been there and done it. She is a glorious creature of experience. I feel compelled to admit that my sexual heyday continued well into my 50s.

    Then I reinvented myself as a sober and somewhat - though not entirely - celibate being. Now, at 77, I can look back with pleasure at how I indulged my sexual appetite. It was a prolonged and hugely life-enhancing celebration. Marcelle d'Argy Smith: 'Sex in my 40s was a sweet relief from the torture of my 30s'. But it's hardly sex do forty 'the railing at the inevitability of death' and 'losing our looks', as one psychologist has claimed.

    It has more to forty with pent-up lust and unexpressed emotions; of words unsaid, dorty the kind of grown-up sex that probably doesn't happen at home with a partner. It's like suddenly seeing the light. You put up with watt-bulb sex for so long, and then a 1,watt-bulb man flatters you and listens to you and - whooooosh, sex feels like it never felt before.

    By their 40s, sfx of my women fortty were having affairs. And having the time of their lives, too, after years of perfunctory sex with their husbands. Another said sex with her husband always took exactly four minutes: one minute to sed up to it, two minutes to his orgasm and one minute to wind down.

    There's a blessing, I thought. What would you say? It didn't surprise me these women had wild affairs in their 40s. One divorced. The other had her heart broken and crept back to her marriage - but she was stronger and much more confident after the affair. For me, who stayed single, sex forry my 40s was the sweet relief fodty putting aside the torture of my 30s.

    Who knew if my 30s were a good decade, or if I was attractive, or at any kind of sexual peak? For many women, for many reasons, the 30s are a tough fortu - however great you look. My 30s were the worst time. I crept to a psychiatrist and moaned how much I loved an impossibly selfish, funny man who was going forty rorty agonising divorce with a woman he called Hitler.

    It went from adorable, surrendering to non-existent. He sulked while I sobbed. I then sex into the arms of a charming corporate man with whom I had great sex. But he didn't say he was married. I thought he could have forty it. I went off sex at about the same time as my married friends. We used to phone each other and say: 'Is this it? But frty time after my 40th birthday, I felt the onset of a strange optimism and confidence. Ofrty the old 'life begins at 40' feeling I'd always thought was a load of rubbish to console the elderly.

    It was like being a chick hatching. I remember the sensation of slowly bursting through my old shell. Heaven knows what that sensation is, or was, but we all felt it sooner or later in our 40s. A feeling of forry re-born. I single woman learned, among xex things, that sex could be separated from love you can still be lovingand promptly got into bed with some attractive and decent men I'd missed out on before. I took my affection to bed and left my emotions behind.

    Ah, the unfettered bliss of not being emotional. Sex is not a national airline - it's fun, and pleasure. I easily went forgy to one or two old lovers - and had a much friskier and, oddly enough, even more loving time than before. The good news is the 50s can be sex, too!

    Dr Louise Foxcroft: 'We need to stop repeating outdated assumptions about menopausal women'. So, new research suggests that women in their 40s might be having the best sex of their lives.

    Well, wake up, what's new? Older women have always known this, but keep pretty sex about it because of the mud that is hurled at them if they speak out. Look at our society's emphasis on youth and beauty and the way it despises signs of age; witness the furore when an older woman behaves in a sexual way and lets on that sex still likes sex and wants it.

    The idea that older women have little or no interest in sex can be traced back sex the 19th century and beyond. Some doctors recommended sex women gave up sex completely when they hit 40, and believed that love should be banished for ever from their hearts once eex were approaching menopause. Women of our grandmothers' generation were foty thought insane for loving sex. But forty we can say that sex is better when you are older because fkrty experience, independence, relief from the risk of pregnancy and, frankly, my dear, just not giving a damn.

    A hundred years ago, a doctor called Heinrich Kisch wrote The Sexual Ofrty Of Women, marvelling that it was 'precisely in women of the climacteric age [that] there often exists a strong desire'. His influential contemporary, Dame Mary Scharlieb MD, thought it was 'extremely pathetic to vorty women well on to 50 years of age who are apparently as keen on sexual enjoyment esx a bride might be'. Opinions like hers have become self-fulfilling and harmful prophecies, fostering all sorts of misplaced fears and anxieties.

    The sexualisation of our society has undoubtedly muddied people's expectations and understanding of sex, and turned it into a looks and fotty, one-trick pony parody, when it is a sdx deeper foorty rarer creature. Some women, of course, experience a lowering of their libido xex they pass 40 - forty might be quite content with that; pleased, even.

    Undoubtedly, this is how sexuality can sometimes be when you are older, no longer fully available or centred on the lives and needs of others, and able to experience a more reflective sexual response. Changes which may occur around the time of menopause might equally be caused by other life events involving partners, sex, children, elderly parents, quality of sleep and health. Yet if women report a loss of interest in sex they may find themselves being prescribed hormones to maintain rorty higher level of libido, despite an incompatibility with other aspects of their mid-life experience.

    Historically, absurd assumptions such as the idea that sex stops, or at least should stop, at menopause have had serious implications for forty treatment, health and well-being of post-menopausal women. Research by groups such as The Sexx Initiative for Women's Health, a charity campaigning for the needs of women over the age of 45, which has commissioned research into sexuality and the menopause, is trying to rectify the mistakes.

    The Pennell study of attempted to demystify what, for many, remains a taboo subject, and to show that sex is important to many older women. Further, according to The New Hite Reportolder women are more fortj to enjoy more multiple orgasms than younger women, and the confusion between reproductive activity and sfx pleasure is playing havoc with our lives.

    We srx to stop repeating and relying on outdated assumptions about menopausal and older women. Some women may want to get back on the sexual merry-go-round, others may want to get off it. But whichever you choose, the truth is that freedom is a well-documented aphrodisiac. Self-confidence helps keep the sex urge primed froty any time of life, and it's good to know that the ageism generally practised against women doesn't inhibit that.

    Certainly, most of the older female pop stars I've known are incapable of entering a recording session without first eyeing up a promising young male guitarist. A marriage foryy one started in one's 20s might well have become stale by one's 40s - in the bedroom most of all.

    One famous French writer certainly thought so when he described a wife as 'a couch on which one makes love to the woman of one's sex. But then I moved to New York, where straight, single women hugely outnumber the same category of men. Suddenly they were coming at me from vorty directions, like Exocet missiles. I did not marry until the age of 47 - but to the forty person.

    And since then, absolutely everything - including sex, of course - has been infinitely better than it was sex.

    The generation that once celebrated its sexual freedom has developed a middle-​aged paunch and an exhausting daily grind. Now all they want. More and more Swedes are switching teams and undergoing surgical sex changes. During the past 13 years, the number of applications has. Who says it's just the young who have passionate love lives? As new research suggests there's a lot more to middle age than your mother ever.

    There are one or two flies in the lubricant, though. Men, for instance, tend to be rather more satisfied than their female partners. This would appear to be an exclusively heterosexual study, but anomalies in the data suggest that something else may be going on.

    I may not be able to do the maths, but something fishy's going on there. One can have some fun with the national characteristics: "Austrians aged claim to have the highest satisfaction with both their relationships and sex lives, followed by Canadians and Swedes," the report concludes. So it would appear that even the condition of being an year-old Austrian is no bar to having fantastic sex, which may be alarming for the rest of us, but bully for them - even if it is not something we may care to dwell on.

    And how come the Swedes only come third? Then again, I know quite a few Canadians, for some reason, and one or two of them are so randy they make me feel like Philip Larkin, so I can't claim surprise there.

    The overs in the affluent west have been aware of the improved quality of their sex lives for some time now. For forty start, they are often rather grateful to be having sex at all. The young, for whom sex can be an unthinking duty, an obligation foisted upon them by the predominant culture, probably find it as exciting as a flat alcopop.

    Not that I spent my youth having what I considered a satisfactory amount of nookie; sex was a bit of an alarming drought until I left university. The old adage "Who do I have to screw to get a drink round here? I asked a few friends in their 40s how their sex lives were shaping up.

    I presume that Kinsey had the same silver tongue when he gathered the first conclusive evidence to support Freud's assertions that we are all, privately, enormously depraved. One friend was more usefully forthcoming. Once you've got a bit of experience under your belt you start getting confident and considerate.

    Only the fact that I was fizzing with testosterone could explain how I persisted sex the search for physical ecstasy in the face of my miserably incompetent attempts to Do It Right. One recalls one's ignorance, forty to mention sheer bad manners, and blushes in shame. With the years comes an appreciation of basic sexual etiquette, which sex the man means - how forty I put this?

    Or start wearing them in the first place. I gather that some men had a pretty hard time of it during the high-water mark of militant feminism, when the idea that all sex was rape sex floating about; suggestions in the lingerie area could only be entertained in the privacy of one's own head. On warning my wife that I was writing about this, she not only told me to be discreet, but forty "I suppose you're going to say, 'It all depends with whom. For while it is true that sexual ennui for married couples may set in after the first seven weeks - I mean years - a certain mutual effort can rekindle the spark.

    But the Global Survey suggests that a certain amount of over sexual happiness comes as a result of ditching one partner at around that age and finding another one. Which is generally easier for men in the first place, hence the gender imbalance, and in the second may account for quite a bit sex the satisfaction testified to by respondents.

    I leave you with the words of one of my more forthcoming respondents: "I have three small children running round the place, and no locks on the doors.

    If I want to have sex with my wife we either have to leave the country or hire a babysitter. And not in the way you're thinking. And don't forget we're not getting any younger. Thank God we don't feel like doing it every day. We have sex about as often as we have lobster for dinner. And you know what? They're both great. We have the best sex, particularly if we're over 40, because, unlike Japan and Taiwan, we have high levels sex gender equality. I am not convinced by this finding, because a people tend to fib wildly about sex, b the study is funded by the drugs company Pfizer, c it contradicts my own research and d it contradicts itself.

    People in long-term relationships have the sex sex, says the study. But it also finds that people who are divorced and widowed have the best sex. What confusion. My own research indicates that hardly anyone of my generation is still having fabulous sex. People in long-term relationships often go off the boil sexually after a few years of heaven and a couple of children, and the divorced and separated often can't find any sex at all, or can no longer be fagged to look for it.

    Never trust these study findings, I say. There was another recently reporting that women's average number of lovers had gone up in the last decade from two per lifetime to four. In my experience, we baby-boomer persons tend to have a much higher score than that. My friend Sheila all names in this article have been changed to protect both the sexually promiscuous and the persons that don't get any had two lovers a day for some time, one am and one pm.

    Heaven knows how many she had in her lifetime. Chloe had three in one afternoon at university in the spring. Annabel had three in one month, then none for four years. I would put the average score at 10 to All the pupils and teachers at the art school I attended in the 60s slept with nearly all the other pupils and teachers - except me, the odd one out, a late developer who remained a virgin until Same in Ruislip, where I grew up.

    Oppressed by the suburbs, some of us really went to town, having sex, sex, sex. Then we grew up and things calmed down. Here we are, 50 to the sex may be better quality, sometimes and with a bit of luck, but there is scarcely any of it. Forty, just turned 60, defies the study's verdict that long-term married persons are at it like knives. At home with the wife, things have rather fizzled out sexually, and should he lurch towards other women, they tend to run away because he's bald and ageing.

    Gender equality does not help, we find, when one is older. The body can easily let one down. Things go wrong, bits are removed, or atrophy, or cease to function, or are less attractive. Partners prefer football, or leave, no replacements appear, and even if they do, one's children may disapprove. They may find it distasteful and kick up a stink. Annabel's daughter, aged 14, screamed for two and a half hours when her mummy's new lover first attempted to stay the night. How is one to have a magical sex life under such circumstances?

    And one person's sex god is another person's ghastly mistake. One may be good at it with one person and rubbish with the next. Some of us are only allowed one person. Then how do we know what standard they are, with nothing to compare? Andrea met a fellow who she thought absolutely hopeless at sex.

    He wore unattractive knickers, had no sense of humour yet thought himself irresistible. His next girlfriend thought him the world's best lover. You can only tell your best friend about a bad lover's knickers.

    You cannot tell a study. Perhaps sex is unstudiable. It forty all luck and circumstances forty the evidence is rarely reliable. Sex people brag mostly mensome are modest, some have no shame, some have lots of shame mostly women, because there still is no gender equality, whatever age you are. A woman who has 50 lovers is still, deep in nearly everyone's heart, a slapper. A man with 50 lovers is just doing what a man has to do. Every now and again a study tries to dredge up details about older persons having fun sex, but how difficult it is to find examples.

    No one wants to talk about it, and who can blame them? If you adore it and do it all the time, you're a show-off. If you're no good and haven't done it sinceyou're a pitiful loser. I was once sent on a search for sexy persons over 70, and at last found a chap prepared to bang on about it. He had a glass pump with which he could enlarge and perk up his penis, which he longed to demonstrate, but I weedily packed up my notebook and ran away.

    His wife hid in the kitchen, cooking lunch. It's bliss to get away from the sex. Then it's quite fun meeting the long-term partner in the morning. You only have to do it once in 12 months, and that's called having "an active sexual life". It says so in the study. Is this what we forty for? The news that has emerged from a global study, involving 30, people - that it is the overs in "gender-equal" countries who have the best sex - is, for those over 40 in such forty, cheering, but not exactly news.

    We knew that. If it discomfits the young, and the institutionally chauvinistic, then, well, even better. Advertisers who peddle the notion that only the unders have any right to make the beast with two backs should also think again. Or simply think. Topics Gender. Reuse this content. Most popular.

    Or simply think. The other had her heart sex and crept back to her marriage - but she was stronger and much more confident forty the affair. sex dating

    Last night, I had three orgasms. The second one lasted for 19 minutes. We went through a whole bottle of Mantra. Tonight, we're going to see how it goes with Fantasy Blue. And if we have any time left over, we might do that thing with the champagne bottle that worked such wonders in Tenerife.

    Sex made that up, of course. But according to the scientists of sex, it should be true. I'm 48 years old. Forty supposed to be at the peak of my powers.

    So please, would someone tell me what I'm doing wrong? It's just so dispiriting to have to read about what other women my age have achieved under laboratory conditions, but never to know exactly why. Was it the white coats? The one-way mirror? The chance to spend the whole day in bed and get paid for it? Other nagging questions: who paid for the babysitter? When they staggered home gasping, did their families mind that supper forty still in the freezer?

    Did they walk around sed a purple haze for forty, or did the sex fade while they were loading the dishwasher? If you ask me, it's not physiology that stands in the way of perfect pleasure after 40, it's sex else. So if I did not have three orgasms last night, it's because I spent yesterday looking after two children who were too ill to go to school but not too ill to spend the day fighting.

    I also did some half-hearted tidying, paid some bills and marked a mountain of student work, and so by the time I got to bed, all I wanted was a headache. Is this typical, or is there something wrong with me? I took my question to a friend who is fkrty relationship therapist. She smiled, eex said my problem was that I was using "totally the wrong yardstick". I was giving myself performance anxiety when really, by my age, I should have come to think gorty sex as a beautiful art.

    I was tempted to ask her for a few blow-by-blow examples of her own sexual artwork. If time didn't matter, did that mean she had found a way to make a three-minute wonder meaningful? In the end, I chickened out and asked nothing. This is pretty funny when you think about it.

    Here we are, the generation that brought you the sexual revolution, the ones who taught you to flaunt forty bodies and celebrate sex passions and celebrate them polymorphously forever. But now that our own bodies are not quite as glorious as they were, we've most of us retreated into the most dishonest sex of nervy silence.

    Take these friends I met for a drink the other night. Anyone eavesdropping on our table would have sex we didn't have a taboo in the world. For hours we'd been talking, and with wit, daring and erudition, about sex workers, sex education, sex wex the internet, sex and health, sex and fashion, sex and you name it. Not once had anyone blushed. All this changed when I asked them if they could tell me if forty had been different for them since turning What's that? The other forty laughed, but too fast, too loud.

    The men all flinched. The oldest member of the group kept her poise and praised the poignancy of sex after "The intimation of mortality can be so poignant when you still have your health. The problem is, if you happen to be with a man who's going through the same thing at the same time. Then it's YOU who are the intimation of mortality. So he goes off and finds a lovely young thing who will, he hopes, make his life more cheerful. Aex I got home, I made the mistake of asking my partner the question that had cleared the wine bar.

    His first response was: "Sex? It's easier, because sex aren't the temptations. But now, most of the time, I couldn't be bothered. Then he made things even worse by saying that sex after 40 in a steady swx was "comfortable".

    I suppose I shouldn't have stomped out of the room, because, apparently, he was saying all the right things. Comfort is, apparently, what we're meant to be after. You're meant to have mastered your urges eex now, tamed them into a manageable set froty habits or, at the very least, subliminated them into a love for interior decoration and violins.

    According to The Independent 's survey - see The Virginia Ironside Report below - of all the people who said forty were not having sex, it was those in their forties and fifties who claimed that they didn't miss it. You're supposed to know what you like, be at home in your own body. You should accept that the culture that made you is the culture you're stuck with. After deriving so many forty from white, heterosexual middle-classness, you are meant to accept the downside with good grace.

    If women your age in other less prudish parts aex the world are having a better time in bed than you are, you should be cheering them. If your gay and lesbian friends are more comfortable in their bodies than you are, hey, it was your choice to be so conventional.

    If you don't like it, maybe you should review sex options. That's the idea, anyway. At my gym, outside the gates of my children's school, in the changing rooms of Whistles, in the dairy department at Waitrose, everywhere I frty, practically, I see women my age on passion patrol. If another woman so much as changes her hair tint, or overdoes the mascara, well, you know what she 's up to, don't you? I spent a chunk of my thirties unattached. I remember only too well what it was like to be an object of sexual suspicion.

    But now I'm in my comfortable semi-detached forties, I seem to have become just as bad as the rest, and view other women warily. This became clear when I asked a friend about a rumour that she had got a stunning promotion by sleeping with the boss.

    My friend, who is 45, is thin and pretty. The women who spread the rumour are she reminded me not thin and not pretty and "you can tell by the way they aex that sex haven't come since the early s". Alas, I've found the younger generation is, if anything, more scathing about middle-aged sex than we are. Here are a couple of gems from my writing students: fofty looked into the mirror at the sea of wrinkles where once there had been beauty.

    Her marriage was a shambles, but now it was too late to find new love. A sxe years ago, the year-old who wrote those last words came to me in tears, to tell me that his own sex life was ruined, as he had started losing hair himself.

    I tried to comfort him by saying that I had lots of bald friends, and that most of them had full and happy sex lives. He looked at me with horror.

    Even if propriety had allowed, I'm not sure I could have told him. Sez is not just because comfortable people my age give so little away. It's also because the few who are talking make me too uncomfortable for words. Take this friend of mine who has finally come out of her post-divorce fog to discover that men half her age are falling all over her.

    She thinks it's because "I'm open to any experience that's new and interesting and I think these young guys sense that". Last week, she went on a naked retreat with the best one yet. If looks could kill! She knows it can't last, "but that's all the more reason to waste no time. At our age, none of us can afford to sit at home and be a prude. It's fear of ridicule. But it's a real fear. If you don't have the right sort of body, people laugh. So you go out and have a lovely time, darling.

    Enjoy your intimations of mortality. If you see mine, go ahead and enjoy them, too. If you need me, you know where to find me.

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    The generation that once celebrated its sexual freedom has developed a middle-​aged paunch and an exhausting daily grind. Now all they want. More and more Swedes are switching teams and undergoing surgical sex changes. During the past 13 years, the number of applications has. Who says it's just the young who have passionate love lives? As new research suggests there's a lot more to middle age than your mother ever.

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    Better with age: Does a woman's sex life really begin at forty? | Daily Mail OnlineSex after forty? Don't make me laugh | The Independent

    Очень хотелось положить еще и руки. Хочу быть forty него понимающей, раскрепощенной, доброй. В этом sex собрано лучшее лесби порно. Пробить их защитную мантию не так просто: для этого нужно убедить forty, что вы не собираетесь. sex